Our happiness does not depend on what we have, but how we relate to it...
In our pain and suffering, insecurity and anxiety, we tend to think that we lack something and that is why we are not happy. So we frantically chase after something throughout our life. But we do not lack anything. We are just conditioned wrongly with many limiting and harmful beliefs.
As Buddha points out: Suffering is all pervasive! Where ever we go, we find it there!
When we are single, we suffer from loneliness; and when we are in a relationship, we suffer from conflicts, drama and losing freedom.
When we do not have children, we long for their joy and the meaning they bring; and when we have them we suffer from physical and mental exhaustion and financial burden.
We suffer when we do not have anyone to love and to be loved; and when we have them, we suffer from separation which eventually happens one way or another, sooner or later – which is an inherent part of life!
We suffer if we are not good looking enough; and if we are good looking, we suffer from its shallowness and from struggling to maintain it – which eventually falls apart. "Beauty is a short-lived tyranny." – Socrates
We hate working under a boss; and when we are self-employed, we suffer from lack of stability and security.
When we do not have wealth, power or fame, we suffer without any status or recognition; but when we have them we suffer from competition, conflicts, fights, stress, anxiety and loss of peace and freedom.
We long for what we do not have and when we have it, soon we get used to it and chase something else. In the end, suffering is so pervasive that it reaches every nook and corner. Everything in life comes at a price and every option and lifestyle comes with its own form of suffering. All we can do is, substitute one form of suffering to another. Instead of chasing mindlessly, we can learn to work with what is according to our nature and with what nature has offered us at this moment. Life may throw at us anything, but our happiness depends on how we relate to it, and how we make it work with whatever we have.
☯️ If we are lucky enough to have someone worthwhile in our life, instead of taking them for granted, may we love, care and appreciate them without putting them in our attachment cage. And when the time comes, may we let them go gracefully without desperately clinging to them causing so much suffering.
☸️ If we are even more lucky enough to find ourselves alone, may we skillfully work with our aloneness, as it is our true fundamental reality*. But there are layers of hindrances and defilements block its true grace, beauty and richness. As many wise teachers point out, solitude is the only true way to understand life deeply and grow up. Without truly realizing our nature of aloneness, all our love bounds to be dependent and neediness based – which eventually leads to suffering. If we are not comfortable with ourselves alone, we can never taste deep peace or happiness. "All man's miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone." – Blaise Pascal.
Note:
* Though we are integral part of the universe and we are deeply connected with everyone and everything else, yet there is nothing we can really hold on to. So, both oneness and aloneness are our fundamental aspects of reality.
CK. Kamaraj
14 February 2021